Fox News Magazine understands that you’re having troubles with your boner. But don’t fret—they’ve cracked the case and figured out why! It’s because of your oral hygiene:

“Men who forget to floss their teeth increase the bacteria in their gums, and this bacteria can travel through the bloodstream, combine with plaque and clog blood vessels which make getting an erection difficult.”

Yes. That sounds like a COMPLETELY LOGICAL and common problem. But if you’re flossing like crazy and things still aren’t working down there, have you considered that you might have a violent and traumatic penis injury? … You know what else is a major source of erectile dysfunction? Getting your penis chopped off by a sword. Check back next week, when Fox News Magazine outlines “11 Surprising Ways to Spice Up Getting Your Penis Chopped Off By a Sword”.